When I break up with someone, I like to pretend they don’t exist for a while. This gives me adequate time to cry, gain weight, lose the weight, cry some more, curse them to hell, and eventually make peace with the bum, I mean, the lovely person who was important to me.
Okay, it’s not a perfect system. Another reason I do this ignoring dance is to give myself ample opportunity to work through the “I want him back” feelings. Because I don’t usually give up without a fight so if we broke up for real, chances are there was a really good reason why.
While mulling over the reasons for the break up, some people come to realize that, for whatever reason, the break was a mistake. What they really want is to get back together with their ex-lover, which is easier said than done and is sometimes just plain impossible.
You need to figure out why you want him or her back
The “I want him/her back” feelings mentioned a few paragraphs back can be really frustrating. They play on your heartstrings and lead to you making all kinds of excuses for the problems the two of you were experiencing prior to the breakup. Now’s the time to be brutally honest with yourself. If loneliness or sadness is behind the “I want him/her back” feelings, forget about it; it’s never going to work. If you’ve had a genuine change of heart, that’s a different matter altogether.
Give yourself some time to cool off
What you need now is some cooling off time. Even if you’re absolutely certain that your ex lover will welcome a reconciliation, the fact is you broke up. And that comes with all kinds of emotions; a heart hangover if you will. Knowing that you want to get back together is all well and good, but you need to take a few days or even weeks of breathing room to heal your heart. Then you’ll both be able to start over with a clean slate.
Another reason for the time apart is to let your emotions calm down for when you enter into reconciliation negotiations. You definitely don’t want to be a crying, screaming, weepy mess when you approach your ex about getting back together. At this point, he or she has had enough time to miss you (probably miss you a lot, you little minx!)
When you see him or her again, particularly if you want to tell them you want them back, you want to be at your best. Being sad and weepy like you were when you broke up will only dredge up all your break up drama, and it’ll be impossible to either one of you to imagine a happy future.
You also need to get ready and be prepared for any reaction from your ex. The answer might be yes, it might be no. If it’s a yes, they want you back too, you need to be prepared to follow through on whatever promises you make. Whether it’s quitting smoking or seeing a shrink or learning how to cook. If you’re not absolutely sure about this beforehand, then don’t even bring it up.
Brace yourself for the possibility that they might not be interested in round two. Depending on the circumstances, this might be the more likely possibility. Keep your composure; you’ve already made it a couple of weeks without them. You’re not breaking up again; this is just a confirmation, so don’t let it break you down again.
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